16 March 2010

Dia Bukan Milikku (Part 1)

I guess some of you already knew what had happen to me.. yeah.... let's flashback on the day when the stories begun..

26/Feb/2010 - Public Holiday sempena Maulidur Rasul.
I was all alone that day since Mr. B had to work when his management decided that day was a normal working day for them (don't ask me why...). That nite around 9pm, he took me out for jalan2.. since me asyik membebel sebab kena duduk rumah sorang2 during daytime. So, we went to Ampang Park sebab Mr. B nk beli new gadget for his camera. And then we plan to go jalan2 cari makan. and suddenly, i felt sumthing not well - perut memulas mulas and sakit... biasanya me leh tahan, tapi masa tu rasa dia semacam je. Aku dah risau if i was attacked by gastric pain again, so i asked him to take me home. Sampai rumah, sakit perut memulas-mulas makin rancak pulak... sebab dah tak tahan, aku paksakan diri utk tidur sambil pesan to Mr. B tolong panaskan nasi - for me to alas perut nk keluarkan angin jahat.

Around 12am aku terjaga sebab sakit memulas-mulas tadi bertukar menjadi perit... this time dekat ari2 sebelah kiri. but aku still fikir sebab angin jahat - so aku turun kebawah to have some nasi tapi masa ni mmg semakin sakit.. baru nk masuk sesuap nasi... aku terus berdiri then i had bleeding.... masa tu aku dan dia mmg menggelabah dan terkejut.. sepantas kilat - aku terus menangis sambil cakap pd Mr. B "me gugur......" and i kept on crying and crying.... i want my baby... i really want my baby... disamping tu aku berdoa kepada Tuhan supaya my baby selamat... sakit yg aku rasa mmg tak dpt digambarkan... tp takut kehilangan baby lebih terasa ketika itu...

Dipendekkan cerita... Mr. B took me to the nearest clinic at taman samudera since klinik sri gombak dah takde yg buka time tu.. Doktor bertugas yg muda dan ensem mlm tu (sempat lagi)... did ultrasound on me but he didn't found any inside my uterus. he asked Mr. B to take me to hospital the soonest.

Di pendekkan lagi cerita - i was at emergency Hospital Selayang... masa memula sampai, nampak sangat petugas2 disana yg most of them looks very young... muda-muda lagi... membiarkan aku terkapai-kapai menahan sakit.. sorang ni tanya.. sakit apa? mengandung ke...? then she pass me to sorang lagi.. tanya lagi.. sakit apa... when i say i'm pregnant.. muka masing2 macam tak percaya.. boleh dorang tanya balik " mengandung ke??"... kita dah la tengah sakit... then baru la aku di letakkan di sebuah katil.. masa tu macam biasala... benda pertama yg dorang akan buat... cucuk tangan for drip. before that dorang suruh aku bagi sample air kencing... masa ni baru la terasa macam di Emergency Room.. sorang cucuk drip, sorang pasang blood pressure... and sorang lagi... tekan perut aku sana.. tekan sini... sorang lagi buat ujian air kencing then she said to her coulege "positive". dorang pun buat ultrasound diperut but still - nothing inside kecuali uterus... then one of them start pakai sarung tangan then seluk my tttuuuttttt.... dah la tengah sakit dan makin bertambah sakit jadinya especially bila diseluk dan dia cucuk disebelah kiri.... terus dorang bawa aku masuk wad tingkat 11 - and di sana - aku dibawa jumpa Doctor utk buat ultrasound lagi.... vagina ultrasound dijalankan keatas aku.... and few other proses "seluk-menyeluk".. then doctor said to her assistant to call Mr. B.


Doctor explain to both of us - i had an ectopic pregnancy (kandungan luar rahim) - and dah pecah - so i need to go for operation malam tu jugak... for the sake of my life... masa tu dlm keadaan sakit.. aku masih sempat bertanya pada doc if my baby dpt diselamatkan.. and of-course she said.... tak boleh... tube sebelah kiri perlu dibuang sekali..tk dpt aku gambarkan / bayangkan kehilangan sesuatu yg sangat berharga buat diri ku.... airmata makin laju... dan Mr. B terus menerus memujukku....



Dlm pukul 3am - aku ditolak masuk ke operation room... sambil memerhati para doktor dan assistant2 sedang menyiapkan diri dan perkakas - sebelum aku di tidurkan - sempat seorang doc bergurau dengan ku.. "awak dh biasa operation kan.... (sambil menepuk2 bahuku)... ok.. selamat tidor....." ...dan aku terus terlena.

By the way, utk pengetahuan kalian semua... pada bulan 10 tahun lepas, aku baru saja menjalani pembedahan membuang fibroid dan membetulkan rahim (since doc confirmed that i had retroverted uteres @ rahim terbalik. it was done at Pantai Hospital, Bangsar. I was on 42 days hospitalization leaved after that (on confinement). Tepat 3bulan lepas operation, aku disah kan POSITIF melalui ujian HSG. tetapi - setelah 2 kali aku melakukan ultrasound (masa tu dijangka kandungan aku dlm 5minggu) - kedua-dua doctor (dari klinik berlainan) did not found what they've supposed to see inside my uterus. Both doctor advise me to wait for another 2weeks, since it was too early.
Tapi masa tu, kerisauan aku makin berdetik... seolah-olah sesuatu yg tak kena akan terjadi. Tapi semua tu hilang bila Mr. B, kawan2, family sentiasa memberi semangat dan kata2 perangsang thay everything is normal... is okay......

Dlm pukul 5:30 pagi - operation telah pun selamat dijalankan, dan aku dibawa ke wad 11 katil 21 - tepat pukul 6pagi, Mr. B minta diri utk pulang dan kemudian aku terus terlena dengan nyenyaknya..........

Yang pasti... dia sudah tiada lagi dlm rahim ku.... dan aku telah kehilangannya........
 Tuhan.. hanya KAU yg memahami perasaanku ketika itu.. kuatkanlah semangat ku... Amin..



.. bersambung

7 comments:

Irtiyah said...

Salam

Allah Maha Besar. Kuatkan semangatmu ...

Saya terasa kesedihan awak. Namun saya tahu.. hanya awak yang merasai kehilangan sebenar.

Saya harap kesedihan awak tak berpanjangan. Saya ada rakan blog yang pernah ada pengalaman sama dengan awak. Namun selepas itu dia dapat beberapa orang anak.

Sabar ya.

Prodigy said...

sabar kak..
semoga akak tabah menempuh cabaran...

Leenz Yusoff said...

thanks ye.. setiap kali teringat peristiwa malam tu... mesti menitik air mata....

aisha said...

SAlam leenz..

SAbar ye leen..Sesungguhnya ALLAH swt MAha Mengetahui.

Saya doakan awak tabah dan redha.InsyaALLah pasti ada ganjaran untuk awak..

Lynda.CG said...

babe, I'm so sorry to hear tht. I xtau pula byk dugaan yg u hadapi. Hope u stay strong ok. Love u.

Lynda
xoxo

kimmy said...

leen..bykkan bersabar yea..kimmy rasa sgt sedih baca ur entri ni..dah bergenang pun airmata.

we are not so close,but I tahu,u seorg yg tabah dan tak mudah berputus asa..:)

Leenz Yusoff said...

aisha - cg - kimmy..

thanks.. support kawan2 tu semangat for me.. apa2pun.. me redha..

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